I love classic English literature, and particularly, the works of Jane Austen, the Brontë sisters, and Elizabeth Gaskell.
Will Elizabeth marry Mr. Darcy? How will Jane ever reconcile her love for Mr. Rochester? Will Mr. Thornton ever win Margaret’s heart? (Ahh, my heart beats a little faster when I think about these romances!)
But, alas, we live in the real world – not a fantasy world written about by a woman who knows nothing of real love and marriage! (No offense to the maiden authoresses, Jane, Charlotte, Emily or Anne!)
I love a quote from the film, Miss Austen Regrets. The film is based on the letters of Jane Austen to her sister, Cassandra. During one scene we see Jane’s mother and niece, Fanny, having a picnic under a tree. Fanny (who is always thinking of getting married) looks longingly at a young mother with her baby.
Mrs. Austen (Fanny’s grandmother) notices this and says, “It’s not like in the storybooks, Fanny. Books always end with weddings…All the interesting business happens after that.”
Ain’t that the truth?!?
We women who live outside the pages of 19th century novels need to know more than how to catch a husband – we need to know what to do after the wedding. We need to learn how to be a godly wife. For that, we look to the Word of God instead of works of fiction.
Ephesians 5:33 says, …let the wife see that she respects her husband.
According to the New Testament, in order to be a godly wife, we must respect our husband. Sounds simple, right? Just show him some respect. But if you examine the meaning of the word respect more closely, you will find a much deeper significance.
Webster’s Dictionary defines respect as: “to take notice of; to regard with special attention; to regard as worthy of special consideration; to care for, to heed; to consider worthy of esteem, to regard with honor.”
Now that’s what our husbands want and need. I like the way the Amplified Bible brings out all the facets of the word respect:
Eph. 5:33 (AMP) …and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].
And look at the following verse (also in the Amplified Bible):
1 Pet. 3:2 (AMP) …you are to feel for [your husband] all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him — to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].
Notice the wording used in these scriptures: respect him, reverence him, regard him, honor him, esteem him, notice him, prefer him, praise him, defer to him, prize him, appreciate him, adore him, admire him, be devoted to him, deeply love him, enjoy him, etc.
“Wow! Are you joking?” you may ask. “All that PLUS all the cooking, cleaning, and sex?!?”
Well, yes.
According to the classic marriage book, His Needs, Her Needs, by Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr., the top five needs of a man are:
- Sexual Fulfillment
- Recreational Companionship
- An Attractive Spouse
- Domestic Support
- Admiration
But I submit to you that these five needs all boil down to what the Bible commands us: respect (or honor) him. If we purpose in our hearts to honor our husbands (in love), all these other needs will be met from the outflow of that honor.
We will naturally meet all of his needs – we will enjoy fulfilling him sexually, having fun with him recreationally, keeping ourselves attractive for him, making a peaceful home for him, and giving him the admiration he needs — when we endeavor to honor him in the way the Lord requires.
I encourage you to meditate on the Amplified version of these two scriptures (Ephesians 5:33 and 1 Peter 3:2), and ask the Lord to show you how to incorporate them in your marriage every day. You will be blessed in your role as a wife as you determine to honor and respect your husband.
